Dr. Spencer Reid, SSA's Journal

[Somehow at the bonfire someone's communicator got turned on. There's idle nerdy chatter until Chuck says a key phrase. Chuck = red Reid = blue Together = purple. This will be fun.]

Yeah, and Immanuel Kant was a real pissant.
Who was very rarely stable [Giggle! Sips at his drink. And then properly singing.]
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed

[They hop up on their table!]
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
With half a pint of shandy got particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink therefore I am"

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed
[And they descend into drunken laughter.]